Rebuilding Masculinity: Practical Means and Ways to Present, Non-Violent and Effective Manhood…

Across South Africa, a hollow echoes through homes, streets and towns: the absence of men where they are most needed, and the violent presence of some where they should offer protection. Yesterday’s round-table with five women on Radio Bop Africa and Radio Mmabatho Africa made a blunt claim: many South African women are pushed into dangerous or degrading relationships because the men they need are not present — emotionally, economically or morally. During the round-table last night, the women argued that the absence or abuse of South African men often forces many local women into precarious, sometimes abusive relationships or marriages with foreign or undocumented men such as Nigerians, Pakistani, Somalian, Chinese men, etc. Today, we convene men for a frank conversation. But before the microphones open, this editorial must name the problem, marshal the evidence and issue a challenge.

The problem is two-fold. First, many men are absent in ordinary, stabilising ways: they do not provide care, financial support, mentorship or partnership. Second, a visible minority of men are not only present but destructive: perpetrators of domestic abuse, sexual violence and femicide. Both patterns harm families, fracture communities and fuel a nationwide crisis that civil society and government have struggled to redress.

The scale is stark. National surveys and reporting repeatedly show South African women face alarmingly high rates of gender-based violence. The South African government and research institutions have documented pervasive physical and sexual violence against women and girls; these findings underpin annual campaigns such as the “16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children,” launched to draw attention to and interrupt cycles of abuse. This is not abstract: it is the daily reality for too many households.

How three cases sharpen the conversation

- Uyinene Mrwetyana (2019): Uyinene’s abduction, rape and murder at a postal outlet crystallised public anger about everyday risks women face in public and institutional spaces. Her death exposed failures in basic safety and service delivery and mobilised youth-led protests that demanded accountability from institutions that should protect women. In our debate, Uyinene’s case underlines how the absence of effective male guardianship, and institutional neglect, creates environments where predators operate with impunity.

- Karabo Mokoena (2017): Karabo’s abduction, intimate-partner violence and murder highlight how stalking, controlling behaviour and escalating threats often precede femicide. Her story shows the lethal consequences when warning signs are minimised, when community responses are weak, and when men normalize control and entitlement. For the round table, Karabo’s fate is a call to improve risk identification, community intervention and support for women reporting abuse.

- Reeva Steenkamp (2013): Reeva’s killing by a well-known public figure reminded the nation that domestic violence transcends class, fame or education. It revealed how destructive masculinities, unchecked aggression, and private violence can explode into public tragedy. In our discussion, Reeva’s case challenges excuses based on status and presses for equal application of justice and cultural change among all men.

These examples are not isolated headlines but symptoms of deeper social illnesses: norms that tolerate male entitlement, the stigmatization of help-seeking, inadequate economic opportunities for men that distort masculine identities, and weak systems for prevention and accountability. When men are absent — due to migration, unemployment, addiction, emotional disengagement or deliberate abdication of responsibility — women and children pay the price. When men turn to violence, communities are terrorised and trust erodes.

What must change — practical solutions

1. Strengthen justice and policing

- Improve police responsiveness to GBV reports, specialised units, victim-sensitive procedures and faster prosecution.

- Ensure oversight, training and accountability for police officers who mishandle GBV cases.

2. Prevention through education and social norm change

- Integrate gender equality, consent and emotional literacy into school curricula from early grades.

- Fund community programmes that engage boys and men as allies, model non-violent masculinity and disrupt harmful norms.

3. Economic and psychosocial support

- Expand employment, vocational training and entrepreneurship targeted at young men to reduce economic desperation and harmful coping.

- Scale mental health, substance-use and anger-management services accessible to men, with referral pathways from clinics and workplaces.

4. Parenting and family support

- Invest in fatherhood programmes that teach caregiving, co-parenting and non-violent conflict resolution.

- Strengthen social grants and child-support enforcement so children aren’t collateral victims of absent providers.

5. Survivor-centred services and community protection

- Expand shelters, 24/7 hotlines, legal aid and trauma care; ensure services are geographically accessible.

- Build local rapid-response networks (community volunteers, clinics, social workers) to intervene early when threats emerge.

6. Data, research and targeted policy

- Fund longitudinal research on male behaviour, drivers of violence and effective interventions.

- Use data to target hotspots, monitor outcomes and scale what works.

7. Public leadership and institutional reform

- Political, religious and business leaders must model non-violent behaviour and publicly back reforms.

- Hold institutions (police, courts, education, health) to performance standards on GBV prevention and response.

This round-table is more than theatre. It must be a turning point: a public moment where South African men accept uncomfortable truths, hear the costs of absence and abuse, and commit to measurable action. We will not legislate away attitudes overnight, nor will campaigns alone prevent every tragedy. But a collective refusal to normalise male absence and violence — backed by institutions, laws and community effort — can change trajectories for families and the nation.

To the men who are present, who provide, protect and teach respect: be bolder in showing others what responsible masculinity looks like. To the men who have hidden in denial or destructive behavior: step into accountability, seek help and change. To leaders and institutions: prioritise resources, enforcement and education. And to our listeners, readers and communities: demand better and support survivors with empathy and justice.

The sound of empty boots will continue to haunt South Africa until men fill their places in ways that sustain life rather than destroy it. Let this round-table break the ice, sharpen the demands and set a clear standard: a country that values the safety, dignity and futures of its women and children demands responsible men.