Why Are African Women Settling for Less..?

Tonight on Authentic Talk (18:00–22:00), simulcast live on Radio Bop Africa and Radio Mmabatho Africa, and published on tuNEWS Publication, we open a conversation that many of us have carried quietly in our bones: why, as African women, do we so often accept less than we desire and deserve?

“Settling” wears many faces. It can be the quiet consent to a relationship that erodes our spirit, the career path narrowed by expectation, or the life framed by someone else’s timeline. A successful life is not a single script — it can be career fulfilment, intimate partnership, spiritual grounding, or personal dreams. The question is whether the life we live is the life we chose, or the life demanded of us.

Marriage and relationships are where the settling narrative frequently loops. From social pressure to “just get married” to the shrink-wrapped security of a household, women are often nudged toward acceptance. Are we avoiding loneliness, the stigma of singlehood or divorce, or the difficult work of finding partners who honour our whole selves? How many of us have been taught to “build” a man at the expense of our ambitions and boundaries?

Our careers and ambitions face another set of limits. Picture three cups: the life society expects, the life you live, and the life you dream. Which two sit nearest your throat? Traditional domestic roles and invisible labour reduce bandwidth and raise an invisible ceiling. Many women juggle aspiration with caregiving, postponing or sacrificing professional growth because that is the tolerated, familiar choice.

Culture, religion and economics thread through these choices. Proverbs and teachings that praise patience and endurance can become scripts of silence. Customary spaces that deny a woman her voice — Lekgotla-style forums where her case is sidelined — teach compliance. And when financial dependence becomes survival, the price of refusal is too high; security can feel like the only realistic option.

We must also interrogate the “Strong Black Woman” ideal. Is it liberation or trap? Strength is admirable, but when it becomes the expectation, it can mask deep needs and justify chronic under-support. Refusing to settle doesn’t always mean loud rebellion — sometimes it means naming needs, setting boundaries and creating routes to autonomy for the next generation.

What would it look like for African women to refuse to settle? It would mean real choices supported by financial independence, childcare, workplace policies and community care. It would mean narratives that celebrate varied definitions of success and holding men and institutions to the same standards of accountability.

Tonight we gather voices who have moved from the corridors of whisper to the courage of the table. There will be laughter — starting with that favorite-Auntie punchline — and hard truths. Your lived experience is our expertise. If part of this conversation makes you uncomfortable, let that discomfort be a compass: it often points to where growth begins.

We are not a monolith. A woman in Lagos, Dar es Salaam, Gaborone or Johannesburg will answer these questions differently — and that diversity is our strength. Tonight on Authentic Talk, simulcast on Radio Bop Africa and Radio Mmabatho Africa, and published on tuNEWS Publication, we will not merely diagnose settling; we will name our worth, rehearse our boundaries and imagine the structures that let the next generation refuse less. You are not difficult for having standards. You are not weak for the compromises you made to survive. We are a work in progress — and we are enough.

Penned by Ms. Tsholofelo Ross, tuNEWS Publication & Live on Authentic Talk 18:00-22:00 Radio Bop Africa https://iono.fm/s/283 and Radio Mmabatho Africa https://iono.fm/s/377